I was very leery to write this morning but then was thinking, I created this so I could have a place to write my thoughts and feelings, good or bad, so decided to write some things down. I am just very hesitant to write negative thoughts and feelings cause I don’t want anyone to get the impression I am not grateful or unappreciative. Just woke up not feeling the best, nothing in particular just normal blues that I am sure everyone wakes up feeling every once in awhile. Today just happens to be my day I guess.
First of all, I am so tired of the “Me, Me, Me” attitude. It seems that anymore people only care for themselves. They don’t go the extra mile of anyone unless it benefits them somehow. Constantly asking or taking but never giving or offering. I am one of those people that constantly get taken advantage of b/c I love to give and do for others (without expecting something in return). And while I love it and can’t imagine turning my back or not doing when I know someone needs it or it would make their day, it gets tiring when you feel like nothing is appreciated. Don’t get me wrong, that is not why I do for others, I don’t need the recognition but when you feel like they expect it from you and are upset if you can’t do for some reason, it gets old and tiring.
Second, I am so tired of feeling like I have to defend myself when it comes to they mother/wife/housekeeper that I am. I am not saying that people do it on purpose or with the intention of making me feel that way but anymore I feel like I am constantly justifying my actions or my children’s actions. I hate that! My children are who they are, no they are not perfect, but who is? They have their moments, they fight, they are disobedient, they cause scenes, act ungrateful, and the list goes on… But they are also sweet, loving, cute, and smart and the best kids I could ever ask for! I love them so much and feel so blessed! So why do I feel like I have to justify them? I am not a perfect person either. I have many flaws. But I feel like I am the best mom I can possibly be to my children. I think given the fact that I work full time and lead a busy life outside of work (family/church/etc...) I don’t do too badly. No I don’t get everything done, not everything is in its place, my kids don’t have everything, I am not able to go to every school function, I can’t just sit and play when we get home, and the list goes on. I can’t be superwoman! I feel like I am constantly trying and never measuring up. It is so tiring and frustrating. And then the times I do mess up or don’t handle a situation the best, I feel horrible, like I just failed a huge test and have a big red X next to my name. I am so tired of that feeling. Never measuring up. The problem is, I don’t know how to get rid of it. How do I get to a place where I am happy with what I do for others regardless of their response, that I am happy with the wife/mother/housekeeper that I am and know that my kids are well cared for and know I love them without feeling like I have to justify and defend every move I or they make?
Ugh…. So sorry for my rambles and complaining. Hopefully it didn’t depress anyone too bad! I just wanted to get it down on paper and somewhat off my chest. Tomorrow is a new day and I am sure will feel so much better! Sometimes life just gets the better of us but no matter what, GOD is still GOD and He is very much still on the Throne!